I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
