I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
