i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
