Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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