Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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