there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
