so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize