On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
