She's JV to your varsity
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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