The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
