So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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