My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
