Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
