Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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