Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
