Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
