Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
