His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
