I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
