Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
