its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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