i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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