i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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