You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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