don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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