Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
