There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
