Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
