Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
