Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
