no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
