after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The feeling are messing with the penis
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
