Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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