I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize