If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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