these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
