at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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