Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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