I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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