i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
