you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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