Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
