i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
