I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
