i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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