are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
