He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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