if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
