Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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