Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
