I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sorry about my life...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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