Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize