Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
