i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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