i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
