i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
