Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
