went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
