Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
