i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
