What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
