I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
