Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize