Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Bring me that man meat
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
