Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
