I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
