You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize