I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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