I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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