i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
