I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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